Jokes!

$10 is $10

wazzaaat — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:53:05 +0000

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, “Martha, I think I really should try that.” Martha replies, “I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10.” So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, “Martha, I’m 70 now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane.” Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation…

The pilot pipes up, “Excuse me folks, I couldn’t help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I’ll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I’ll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each.” Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.

The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, “Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn’t make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff.” Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!”

Things to say if caught sleeping at your desk

wazzaaat — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:40:13 +0000

5. The blood bank mentioned this might happen.
4. Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.
3. Unbelievable; I thought that cold medicine said DAYTIME!
2. Whew! Guess I left the top off that liquid paper.

AND THE #1 THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK: “Amen.”

Microwave problems!

wazzaaat — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:39:03 +0000

One day a blonde girl went to the store and told the guy she wanted that t.v over there but the guy said we don’t sell it to blondes. So she went back to her house and died her hair red she went back to the store and told the guy that she wanted that t.v over there but the guy said we don’t sell it to blondes. So she went back to her house and died her hair brown went back to the store and told the guy she wanted that t.v over there but the guy said we dont sell it to blondes. So the girl said how do you know im a blonde and then he said because that t.v over there that you want is a microwave!!!

Female Hormones

wazzaaat — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:36:59 +0000

Last month, National University of Lesotho Scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of Female Hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains Female Hormones (hops contain phytoestrogen’s) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn’t drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
Had to sit down while urinating.

10 reasons why computers are males!

wazzaaat — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:26:31 +0000

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody`s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.

Top ten reasons why hurricane season is like Christmas:

wazzaaat — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:25:42 +0000

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)
9. Dragging out boxes that haven’t been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for “specials”
6. Family coming to stay with you
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling
4. Buying food you don’t normally buy … and in large quantities
3. Days off from work
2. Candles
And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas …
1. At some point you know you’re going to have a tree in your house!

Sorry for eating the peanuts!

wazzaaat — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:23:13 +0000

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!”

“That’s okay, dearie,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve pulled the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”